Menopause

Menopause is something that I really didn't know about six months ago. Unfortunately, it's something that I was forced to learn about by being put into surgical menopause at the age of 26. Yes, I knew that menopause was something all women went through eventually and it dealt with losing estrogen and the ability to reproduce due to end of menstruation. What I didn't know was the effects it could have on your emotional and physical well being. In June, after the birth of Carter, I ended up hemorrhaging severely due to my uterus not being able to contract back because I had a rare infection/uterine atony/sepsis. After my c section, I went into cardiac arrest due to the blood loss and was revived by CPR. I had a lung collapse and had to have a chest tube inserted as well as being intubated on breathing support. The doctors did an emergency hysterectomy to get the blood loss under control since I was clotting in my uterus. I was sedated and in the ICU for four? days. I still had not met my son at that point due to a high fever. Doctors weren't sure if I would have brain damage due to the code. Luckily I am alive. The trauma has left me with constant thoughts of what happened to me, what could happen to me, and anxiety of dying. I also am still trying to figure out how my body is supposed to feel due to surgical menopause. According to doctors and websites, joint pain, fatigue, and anxiety are all common with menopause. So, here I am... Figuring out what is going on inside of my body.. And grieving the loss of what makes me a woman and the ability to not have any more children.